Lonely Communion

"I communed with my heart, saying, Look, I have attained greatness, and have gained more wisdom than all who were before me in Jerusalem. My heart has understood great wisdom and knowledge."

Ecclesiastes 1:16
What a sad set of words, "I communed with my heart. . ." That which brought such communion into being, the great knowledge that Solomon had attained, may have been very impressive indeed, but to commune with one's self. . . is there a more lonely existence?

Speaking from a point of experience, I would have to say that the human will is quite capable of deceiving itself into a state of contentment and self-satisfaction; the novelty of being a megalomaniac can last for a long time. For me, however, it eventually ended. There came a time when the fabrication of self-importance was turned to shreds and the illusion of self-significance lost its luster. I was forced to face reality, and reality was that the only person impressed with my accomplishments was myself, and even that was a facade.

I think that this is true of anyone who heaps up for themselves knowledge and experience. Some of the greatest minds down through centuries may have attained greatness and information but they failed to comprehend the answer to the greater questions of life: who am I, how did I get here, why am I here and what is the purpose of life?

It is the story that C.S. Lewis tells in his allegorical novel portraying his own conversion, The Pilgrim's Regress. Unlike in John Bunyan's epic tale of the Christian life, the pathway for Lewis was not one of going forward but rather one going backwards. As with many intellectuals, he accumulated all of the experience and knowledge that the world told him should have, but eventually the road ended, the destination was reached but the search remained unresolved. Only when he began let go, give up and put down all of the things that had blinded him and hindered him could he see the obvious truth that had been in front of his face the whole time: Jesus.

As with everything else in this world, apart from Jesus, it is meaningless. God gave us creative and curious minds with which He intended us to explore and discover. By exploration and discovery, we find Him and the way by which fellowship with Him is possible. But when wisdom becomes an end unto itself, we are left to commune with nothing except our own heart. I can only speak for myself but I am not that impressive. After a while, I get stale and boring. And trust me, communing with my heart (yours too) will inevitably lead to destruction.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; who can know it?" Jeremiah 17:9


"Most men will proclaim each his own goodness, but who can find a faithful man?. . . Who can say, I have made my heart clean, I am pure from sin."

Proverbs 20:6,9
So the question becomes for me, can I, as a believer, put any weight in the accumulation of knowledge and intellectual superiority? Truly, there is a great need for Biblically literate Christians, who can defend the faith against the wisdom of a Godless world. But if knowledge is both the means and the end, I find myself in fellowship with my own evil heart. I know that God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, is constantly working and shaping me into the person He wants me to be. It is the great process of sanctification. But it is just that, a process. My spirit (soul) is redeemed once for all, but my mind and my heart (emotions and will) must be renewed and cleansed daily, most times more. That can only happen when I am in continual fellowship and under constant subjection to the will of God. As soon as I begin to commune with my own heart, I begin to flirt with trouble.


"These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh. If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden together with Christ in God." Colossians 2:23 - 3:3