Some people just seem to be magnets for certain kinds of characters. Whether willingly or unwilling, there seems to be some kind of bizarre attracting force between the two dynamics. In my case, it's little boys who have a unruly, defiant streak. They are the ones that most people give up on the fastest, have the least amount of patience with, shush the quickest and blame the problems on the most. But of course, they usually are the cause of the problems. After almost 7 years of childcare, babysitting jobs and even work in a spouse abuse shelter, I've had a few of these. Tyler, Wyatt, Jacob, Austin. Nobody wanted to deal with them, so they, more or less, got thrown to me. But that's fine. Sure they try my patience, but they intrigue me also. Because their unruliness and defiance isn't just unruliness and defiance. There's usually a deeper underlying issue. That issue doesn't justify their bad behavior, but it does explain it. I have always wanted to understand that deeper issue and help them overcome it, because the truth is, that most of the kids with that attitude have a tremendous amount of potential. If they could only learn self-control and respect, what amazing influences they would be. If they are so good at being bad, think of how good they could be at being good!
Enter Patrick. He's a little boy with big smile and an even bigger attitude. When Patrick loves you, my does he love you. But when he doesn't love you, which he claims is quite often, look out! I have been on both sides of his fence, just today. I don't know yet what Patrick's deeper issue is. But I know one thing. The behavior definitely has a root. Every time he tells me how much he doesn't like me, he always waits to see if I will tell him again that I still love him. He seems to want to push the envelope to the point of no return. I will not chase after him or beg him to be my friend. But even in the short amount of time that I will be here, I want him to understand that I'm always available for a hug or game or smile or song or whatever he wants. Sometimes he just wants to sit and talk. It's always a half English/half Luganda type of thing. I'm lucky if I understand the half English part. But hopefully, he'll never know that.
For whatever reason, Patrick seems to want assurance of love. This is where the difference between American and African children stops. All children have an innate need and desire to be loved, and to know that no matter what, that love will not fade or change or disappear based on circumstances or behavior. If a child is secure in love, more often than not, their behavior falls in line because they want to please the person who loves them. My buddy Tyler, when he got upset, used to back into me and grab my hands. I would wrap him as tight as I could. I remember how it felt when his body went limp in my arms. All the tension of the situation that angered him was gone; he knew that he was with someone he could trust and who loved him, no matter how he reacted. I wasn't always happy with him, mind you, but I still loved him. And believe me, if anyone knew, Tyler knew when Miss Meaghan was not happy. But he also knew that when he came to me, I would hold him until he calmed down. He would turn and look up at me with those dark brown eyes of his, wipe the dirty blond hair out of his face and give me the biggest smile ever. "I'm OK," he would say. "Alright, Old Man. Good job. I'm proud of you." With that, he head off to go play again.
I see so much of Tyler in Patrick, and I can't help but wonder if he just wants to know for sure, for really, really sure, that when I say I love him, I mean it. All kids need boundaries. They need standards and disciple. But they also need love. Maybe Africa isn't so different from the States. Sure the face of things looks a little different. Economics may be different, society may be different, culture, music, priorities may be different. But the weightier matters, that of love and trust and family are very much the same. I aim to get past Patrick's rough exterior to his little heart. I want him to know that there is at least one person who loves him, even when he doesn't love me. Isn't that what it looks like to love like Jesus loved? He loved me when I didn't love Him. He was the father, waiting for the prodigal daughter to come home long before "home" ever crossed my mind. If Jesus loved me that much, how much more can I show that love to Patrick? Please join with me in praying for this little boy. He is precious in the sight of God, and he has stolen my heart, even with all his strange and often annoying ways.
"But God demonstrated His own love towards us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
"In this is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." 1 John 4:10
"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32
Awww...I love your pictures!
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